After reading a men’s magazine I feel dirty. Why do I get the feeling that everything is written by arrogant, self-hating (oxymoron?) jerk offs for masturbating couch potatoes? Poor fellas. On television you are portrayed like cheating idiots who can barely survive without a woman who hates you. And then you have to open a magazine written by hipsters with fashion spreads filled with scrawny hairless models that look like someone killed their mother. My advice to you is turn off the TV, shut the magazine and situate yourself firmly in reality where men are people with jobs, agendas, parents, lovers, friends and various hobbies. Chin up.

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